btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
