Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
