You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
