Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
