I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
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This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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