If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
