I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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