omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
