I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
