whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...