There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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