I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
