just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
