If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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