butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
