Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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