she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
