My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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