I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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