I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
