Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
