Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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