We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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