he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
