just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
