she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
