Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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