Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
