Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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