Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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