Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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