So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
