Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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