someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
