Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
as a side note pls kill me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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