he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
