like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
