I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
