So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
