my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
