what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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