Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
