all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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