I wish my penis had an off switch
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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