I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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