well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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