Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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