Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
