I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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