not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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