1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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