Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
