As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
