explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
