Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
