why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
