His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.