girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.