You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!