Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.