I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies