You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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