Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
