Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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