When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
