i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
