I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
