I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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