My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
