You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
