I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
