I'm going to jail i love you
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize