the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
