Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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