my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
