I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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